So this week I discussed and taught online how fear cripples you. As God would have it, the very thing I taught about I had to learn my own powerful lesson. I didn’t realize that anxiety was still an issue for me, but God is all-knowing and his infinite wisdom, knew I still had some things that needed to come up and out. Let me tell you from the beginning: About 16 years ago I got into a really bad car accident where my car was hit by another vehicle and knocked across 3 lanes of traffic on the expressway. By the grace, protection, and mercy of God I walked away from that accident with not a scratch on me, and neither did my 2 oldest children who were 10yrs old and 7yrs old at the time. Although I did sustain any physical injuries, I succumbed to a much greater enemy; the spirit of fear, which came with his brother named anxiety into my life, like a raging storm. I had my first panic attack that same year when I tried to get back in that same vehicle in which I had the accident (once it was repaired) and completely freaked out. I couldn’t breathe, I began crying uncontrollably and hyperventilating. I ended up giving that vehicle away to another family member. A year later I purchased another vehicle and found that I was still anxious when driving on the expressway. The fear of getting into another car accident and dying was so real to me, that most of the time, I opted to take the streets instead of the expressway, no matter how far I had to go. I started making it a habit of calling people on my long rides home, as a way to keep me from going into panic mode by myself. I even began to not travel many places that were too far, if it was raining or even a slight chance of rain. I also started taking shots of “my idea of liquor courage” tequila or vodka before driving to feel less anxious (Thank God I didn’t get into an accident from being intoxicated). I did everything but address the issue, by seeking help and getting therapy to face this fear/anxiety head-on.
Years went by and then it was time to trade my vehicle in for a new one, my family had grown and with 3 boys all in sports, I needed a bigger vehicle to transport them and all their sports equipment. So a truck is what I purchased and ended up only using it for work and the kid’s local activities, making excuses for why I couldn’t take road trips to their games in nearby states. Yes, my fear & anxiety trickled down to my children, to the point that I did not teach any of my boys how to drive, because I was afraid they would die.
Now here I am 44 years old, proclaiming and walking in victory and healing from many traumatic events in my life. I have started a few businesses and I am going around the world coaching, speaking, and writing books, but my old enemy anxiety and fear have reared its ugly head again. What kicked it off is that I got notified of a winter storm warning for the area I live in, which wouldn’t normally bother me, because I work from home. But this time I will be affected because I needed to pick my sister up from the airport and take her to work during the hours of the storm. Well, that sent me into an anxiousness, that caused me to stay in bed the entire day [I was literally crippled by the fear]. I thought about every possible scenario to get out of picking her up, from getting someone else to pick her up or getting her an Uber. I even became angry at her for deciding to go on vacation in the middle of winter (she doesn’t know I felt that way, she will Now though, when she reads this blog). I know everything I’ve done, said and thought were all VERY IRRATIONAL!!!! But fear will have you acting, being, and saying irrational things.
I finally had to confront this spirit of fear head-on and let it know it had no place in my life. [[2Timothy1:7 NLT] 7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.] I am at a point in my life where I don’t want NOTHING getting in the way of my complete Healing and Wholeness, I have come too far and have too much to lose to allow the enemy of my soul to take me into a living death by fear. So I did something I never did before I enlisted the help of complete strangers on our morning prayer call (well they were strangers until God put us together – NOW they are my Freedom Community) to pray for me and this anxiety. I told the honest truth and I no longer care how silly or crazy I may look being a 44-year-old woman, dealing with driving anxiety. MY FREEDOM is more important than mine or anyone else’s feeling for that matter!!!
I decided to share this experience on this blog to help anyone else who may be experiencing any form of anxiety or fear that you too can become FREE!! I feel like I need to talk to you and tell you the raw truth because the name of my blog is called Rebel truth for a reason. And so that is my truth but baaaaaabbbbbby let me tell y’all moving forward I’m going to be driving and doing things with NO LIMITATIONS, NO RESTRICTIONS, and NO FEAR. Be on the lookout for pictures from ALL the places I will go and see while I am driving.
Remember Fear and Anxiety are the enemies of living a great life that God has for you and any enemy of God is an enemy of yours! PERIOD AND AMEN!!!
My name is Listiner Simpson also known as Listiner Inspires. I am changing the narrative of those who have experienced abuse and trauma, from one of Shame, Stigma & Silence to Support and Solutions, from hopelessness and rejection to HEALING and RECOVERY. I create inspirational content that is designed to be used as accountability tools, resources, and solutions in the healing process. moving beyond trauma into a great life. -Listiner Inspires Remember To Be Bold, Be You and Most Importantly Be Healed- Love, Listiner Inspires www.listinerinspires.com