Toxic Independence: The Strong Person Syndrome
Hey Y’all Hey
It’s been a minute since I shared my “Rebel Truths” with you. I have been working on a few things in my businesses and ministry that I can not wait to share when finalized. If I am to be completely honest, this has been a long time coming, but I had been getting in my own way by not asking or seeking help to build out my visions greater. I don’t know how many of you can relate, but I had a really bad habit of not asking for help even when I really needed it. I had a warped sense of needing to appear strong, even at the cost of losing it! I found myself trying to take on too many projects and “chasing the bag” without getting any of the results I had hoped for. I finally sat myself down and had a genuine come to Jesus moment and yelled…”I NEED HELP”! Let me tell you, God has helped me to restructure my businesses and hire the help I need to build out every entity, so that not only will it be successful but will thrive effortlessly. GLORY TO GOD!!!
Let’s get back to the teaching moment that I want to break down and share with you. Here is what I learned and I want to share it with you, so that you don’t have to learn the hard way as I did.
If you have been following me on any of my social media platforms, you may notice a pattern: I love to break down word definitions to get a better understanding. So let’s go a little deeper to understand what exactly is: “Toxic Independence: The Strong Person Syndrome”. (Disclaimer: This is not an official syndrome, it is more of my Rebel Truth perspective). MAKE SURE TO READ ALL THE WAY TO THE END!
Strong (definition) 1.) having the power to move heavy weights or perform other physically demanding tasks 2.) able to perform a specified action well and powerfully.
Similar Words: forceful, severe, strict, drastic, extreme
Independence (definition) the fact or state of being independent
Independent (definition) 1.) free from outside control; not depending on another’s authority 2.)not depending on another for livelihood
Similar Words: self-sufficient, self-supporting, self-sustaining, self-reliant, self-standing, self-contained, self-made (Sidebar: NO ONE is self-made, everyone has had some type of help along the way)
Toxic (definition) poisonous, very harmful
When does being strong and independent become toxic?
When the focus becomes ALL about self!!!!
*Don’t be so independent that you lose sight of the need for God’s guidance and the amazing people in your life
*Signs of The Strong Person Syndrome:
Prideful: Not wanting or asking for help when needed
The “I can do it myself” mindset
Thinking & Saying: “I don’t need anyone”
Resentment: “No one has ever been there for me*
Where there is Pride there is usually the spirit of Rejection and Shame.
Shame usually lies deep within, placed there by a traumatic experience that you have not addressed and started healing from.
Ex. Maybe you were abused/bullied/neglected as a child that left you feeling unprotected and scarred
Ex. Perhaps your experiences were with hurtful words (verbal abuse is just as traumatic) hearing things like: You will never make it, Why are you so weird, You are too big/skinny, SHUT-UP,
Ex. Even broken promises by a loved one can leave a lasting negative effect: If you grow in a single-family home, divorce, cheating spouse
ALL of these things leave us feeling rejected, hurt, angry, and sometimes alone.
Then the need to control situations and outcomes kicks into overdrive, which can lead to Anxiety, OCD, Extremely Social, or Super Isolated.
See it’s one thing to be strong and able to endure during tough times, it becomes toxic when you need help and refuse to seek it due to pride, shame, and the need to control everything.
There are times that we ask God to help us, to bless us, send a miracle and/or sign and we miss it, because it may very well come in the form of people!
Don’t miss out on what God is doing in your life because it’s not packaged the way you would like.
REMEMBER
God can and will use the very thing that hurt us in the past to help us to heal in our NOW
God will use unlikely people and unusual circumstances to render us dependent on him
You can’t measure everyone’s intentions with that person or people who hurt you before
[Proverb 16:18 CSB] 18 Pride goes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall.
STOP BEING PRIDEFUL, ASK-ACCEPT-RECEIVE the help you need!!!
Love You, Listiner
Listiner Inspires, LLC is a lifestyle company that specializes in teaching individuals/families/organizations/ministries that are impacted by trauma and abuse, how to move beyond the trauma and into healing. I am also an Award-Winning Author, Mental Health Advocate, International Speaker, and Healing & Recovery Accountability Expert & Coach and Creative Consultant.